So glad to be done

When promised a chance to see a report before it is published, and then to have it published without ever getting that chance. To have my private e-mails published without permission, but only those parts that favor the other side. To have the other side present their side, quoting themselves in spots that are acceptable and describing the other, very unacceptable, things they said obliquely as "among other things." To be unsubscribed from all possibilities of discussion with the group barely one hour after the one-sided report is sent to the group.

Let's just say it at once presents a one-sided view of the story and, by their actions, sums up the real story better than anything I could say.

Existen aves que cruzan el pantano y no se manchan...

So glad to be done.

Moving on...

It should be simple really

I'm hoping someday to find someone who:

• Really likes kids, probably comes from a big family, has always wanted kids, and can still have them (ideally 2 or 4, or more?)
• Can appreciate me: that I am cheerful, take good care of myself, can cook, play the piano well, go to church (Unitarian), and am, as a friend of a friend described me, "nerdy and sweet" (it hurts a little, but it is the truth, after all)
• Also values love, family, and marriage, and maybe even also has suffered being married to someone who didn't
• Is not self-centered or even a complete narcissist who thinks only of her own feelings and no one else's (see previous point)
• Is intelligent, curious, spiritual, loving, and looking to continue growing in all of those areas
• Takes good care of herself
• Is a girlie-girl, enjoys being a girl and being feminine, and thinks that is a wonderful and natural thing for a woman to be, and to want to be (and understands what a gift that is, and a joy, for her husband)
• Values complete honesty in her relationship with her life partner and being able to love each other fully as we really are, while also helping, inspiring, and motivating each other to become even better human beings

Extra bonus points for knowing some Spanish (and wanting to learn more), being kind (even to bugs and spiders), and enjoying gardening, camping, and occasionally living abroad (probably in a Spanish-speaking country).

The tough part is finding someone like this who is already local (Olympia, Lacey, Tumwater). Although I have looked farther away in the past, and even given it a good try, it's very difficult to build a real relationship unless you are close to each other.

It is also difficult to find a real relationship in online dating sites, where 85% of the women in their late 30s are "never married" and for about half of those, in my experience, narcissism is the main reason why.

Obviously, not everyone will match my wish list above, but I am hopeful that someday someone will.

There is no "other world." I only know what I have experienced.

...Think how it is to have a conversation with an embryo.
You might say, "The world outside is vast and intricate.
There are wheatfields and mountain passes,
and orchards in bloom.

At night there are millions of galaxies, and in sunlight
the beauty of friends dancing at a wedding."

You ask the embryo why he, or she, stays cooped up
in the dark with eyes closed.

                              Listen to the answer.

There is no "other world."
I only know what I've experienced.
You must be hallucinating.

— Rumi (1207-1273)
From the poem "Wean Yourself," in The Essential Rumi, as translated by Coleman Barks

Kindness, part 2

"Of the sweets of adversity, and let me say that these are not numerous, I have found the sweetest, the most precious of all, is the lesson I learnt on the value of kindness. Every kindness I received, small or big, convinced me that there could never be enough of it in our world. To be kind is to respond with sensitivity and human warmth to the hopes and needs of others. Even the briefest touch of kindness can lighten a heavy heart. Kindness can change the lives of people." --Aung San Suu Kyi

Argh! / (and 燕)

Aaaaarrrrggggh! Just wanted to say that. For so many reasons.

One of the main ones being my great sadness at running into this again, when I least expected it, and not being able to really do anything about it, though I so much wish that I could. People can change, and you can help them change, but this time it is so much and so entrenched it just seems hopeless. If I thought I could do it for her, I would. She has so much else going for her, and I know deep down this only masks her unhappiness, and even emptiness, and I wouldn't wish either of those things on anybody. But for her life to be truly happy for a change, she would have to understand what was keeping her from happiness, be brave enough to admit it to herself, and open up her heart and her mind to receive help and to consider new possibilities. The "Bonds That Make Us Free" book would be a good start, but I think it would take more than that. Just so sad, for me and especially for her.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

My best wishes for your future happiness. Truly.

The One: The Perfect Man

Yes, you are right. The only reason you are still single is that there aren't any men out there who are good enough for you. Every single one of them, no pun, has something wrong with him, some flaw (or two), something that doesn't match up with your checklist for "The One." When is a perfect girl like you ever going to find the perfect man? Yes, when is an imperfect girl like you going to find a perfect man? Prince Charming may look perfect, but he is kind of two dimensional, don't you think? And if you saw him in his off-screen moments, I'm not sure you would still like him, either.

Breaking news

Despite what the American press (Washington Post) is currently reporting, the pet animal released today by the FARC in Colombia with its owner, one of 10 former prisoners of the FARC, is not a capybara; it is a javelina (or peccary, basically a wild pig). Not sure how good a pet a capybara would make; the ones I've seen don't seem to do much. A javelina though is smart enough it might be all kinds of fun. Anyway, will be interesting to see how long the U.S. press continues to misidentify the animal as a capybara, and to what degree that error is repeated in stories translated from English into other languages.

Work

Maybe if I stop calling it "work" and start calling it "well-paid fun." I'll try that.

That, and make it a point to have music playing only when I'm actually working. That should help.

Worth a shot.

Self-improvement and New Year's resolutions

The trouble with New Year's resolutions is the idea that "I will be perfect from this day forward." That never worked for anybody. On the first day you are not "perfect," the spell is broken.

What does work is to notice at each moment what would be the best (right) thing to do, as near as you are able to tell, and choose to do that at that moment. It sounds so simple (and it isn't), and when you can succeed in doing it, you will succeed in so many other things, too. And when you don't succeed in doing it, it's not like a New Year's resolution where you have broken the chain. There is always a new moment, this one, to try again.

If you really want to turn your life around, in any respect, I can't recommend this book highly enough. Not an easy read, exactly, especially because understanding it requires asking yourself some hard questions and reconsidering all sorts of things about your own life and about your relationships with others, but the truth will set you free, after all. Not really a religious book either (if that's what you're thinking), even though the author is himself religious and what is taught here is basically the core teaching at the center of most of the world's great religions, or at least of Judaism, Christianity, and Buddhism, and probably others, too. A brilliant work that will do more for you, when understood, than any other so-called "self-help" book or than many hours of counseling with most therapists.

Frogs and princesses

In the "frog into a prince" story, could the point really be that it is the princess who inspires the frog to become a prince?

Or could it be that, for whatever advantages most princesses have (or think that they have), the true princesses are those who can truly see the good in everyone and who can see beyond themselves (unlike the fairy-tale step-sisters who vainly think they will land a prince just because they want one and "deserve" one, but without really offering anything of value in return)?