This world needs help

Nearly every day I see new evidence that the world has the wrong priorities. The headlong rush into greater and greater techno-narcissism and techno-isolationism only twists those priorities even more out of whack.

I could sit here and write a detailed blog post about it...

...but I would rather go out into the real world, do something good and productive, and find ways to be kind to real people.

The rest of the world would do well--hopefully even better for a change--to get up, go out, and do the same.

I will say that when it starts becoming all about you, that is a sign you are headed in the opposite direction from where you need to be going.

Stop it. Drop it. And roll yourself 180 degrees around (now facing the world and the other people in it). Now go out, be kind, be helpful, and to the best of your ability leave your self and your preoccupation with yourself behind and go serve noble purposes and others and no longer serve, prop up, nourish, and defend your ego. There's no need to do that last part anyway. You are already fine. Already worthy of love. Already have nothing you must prove, to others or even to yourself. You're good. Now get out there and make the world better for everyone else.

The world needs help.

The world needs your help.

Love knows no limits. Kindness is free.

So glad to be done

When promised a chance to see a report before it is published, and then to have it published without ever getting that chance. To have my private e-mails published without permission, but only those parts that favor the other side. To have the other side present their side, quoting themselves in spots that are acceptable and describing the other, very unacceptable, things they said obliquely as "among other things." To be unsubscribed from all possibilities of discussion with the group barely one hour after the one-sided report is sent to the group.

Let's just say it at once presents a one-sided view of the story and, by their actions, sums up the real story better than anything I could say.

Existen aves que cruzan el pantano y no se manchan...

So glad to be done.

Moving on...

It should be simple really

I'm hoping someday to find someone who:

• Really likes kids, probably comes from a big family, has always wanted kids, and can still have them (ideally 2 or 4, or more?)
• Can appreciate me: that I am cheerful, take good care of myself, can cook, play the piano well, go to church (Unitarian), and am, as a friend of a friend described me, "nerdy and sweet" (it hurts a little, but it is the truth, after all)
• Also values love, family, and marriage, and maybe even also has suffered being married to someone who didn't
• Is not self-centered or even a complete narcissist who thinks only of her own feelings and no one else's (see previous point)
• Is intelligent, curious, spiritual, loving, and looking to continue growing in all of those areas
• Takes good care of herself
• Is a girlie-girl, enjoys being a girl and being feminine, and thinks that is a wonderful and natural thing for a woman to be, and to want to be (and understands what a gift that is, and a joy, for her husband)
• Values complete honesty in her relationship with her life partner and being able to love each other fully as we really are, while also helping, inspiring, and motivating each other to become even better human beings

Extra bonus points for knowing some Spanish (and wanting to learn more), being kind (even to bugs and spiders), and enjoying gardening, camping, and occasionally living abroad (probably in a Spanish-speaking country).

The tough part is finding someone like this who is already local (Olympia, Lacey, Tumwater). Although I have looked farther away in the past, and even given it a good try, it's very difficult to build a real relationship unless you are close to each other.

It is also difficult to find a real relationship in online dating sites, where 85% of the women in their late 30s are "never married" and for about half of those, in my experience, narcissism is the main reason why.

Obviously, not everyone will match my wish list above, but I am hopeful that someday someone will.

There is no "other world." I only know what I have experienced.

...Think how it is to have a conversation with an embryo.
You might say, "The world outside is vast and intricate.
There are wheatfields and mountain passes,
and orchards in bloom.

At night there are millions of galaxies, and in sunlight
the beauty of friends dancing at a wedding."

You ask the embryo why he, or she, stays cooped up
in the dark with eyes closed.

                              Listen to the answer.

There is no "other world."
I only know what I've experienced.
You must be hallucinating.

— Rumi (1207-1273)
From the poem "Wean Yourself," in The Essential Rumi, as translated by Coleman Barks

Kindness, part 2

"Of the sweets of adversity, and let me say that these are not numerous, I have found the sweetest, the most precious of all, is the lesson I learnt on the value of kindness. Every kindness I received, small or big, convinced me that there could never be enough of it in our world. To be kind is to respond with sensitivity and human warmth to the hopes and needs of others. Even the briefest touch of kindness can lighten a heavy heart. Kindness can change the lives of people." --Aung San Suu Kyi

Argh! / (and 燕)

Aaaaarrrrggggh! Just wanted to say that. For so many reasons.

One of the main ones being my great sadness at running into this again, when I least expected it, and not being able to really do anything about it, though I so much wish that I could. People can change, and you can help them change, but this time it is so much and so entrenched it just seems hopeless. If I thought I could do it for her, I would. She has so much else going for her, and I know deep down this only masks her unhappiness, and even emptiness, and I wouldn't wish either of those things on anybody. But for her life to be truly happy for a change, she would have to understand what was keeping her from happiness, be brave enough to admit it to herself, and open up her heart and her mind to receive help and to consider new possibilities. The "Bonds That Make Us Free" book would be a good start, but I think it would take more than that. Just so sad, for me and especially for her.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

My best wishes for your future happiness. Truly.

The One: The Perfect Man

Yes, you are right. The only reason you are still single is that there aren't any men out there who are good enough for you. Every single one of them, no pun, has something wrong with him, some flaw (or two), something that doesn't match up with your checklist for "The One." When is a perfect girl like you ever going to find the perfect man? Yes, when is an imperfect girl like you going to find a perfect man? Prince Charming may look perfect, but he is kind of two dimensional, don't you think? And if you saw him in his off-screen moments, I'm not sure you would still like him, either.